The beard. A short and powerful, albeit fragmented, sentence. Has anyone noticed the growing resurgence of "the beard"? Mind you I knew of its return long ago and I have proof by way of photos of me with one many years ago when everyone was busy keeping their face as smooth as baby's buttocks. The beard is a cultivated look for a man that wants to look disheveled, beat up, bedraggled, blowzy, dirty, disarranged, disarrayed, disordered, frowzy, grubby, ill-kempt, messy, mussed up, mussy, raunchy, ruffled, rumpled, scuzzed up, skuzzy, sleazy, slipshod, sloppy, slovenly, tousled, uncombed, unkempt, or untidy! So says movies, newspapers, police case profilers, etc...
This opinion of the beard is poppycock, I believe it is the coolest feature a guy can add to make himself look, well, TOUGH! I have the following examples:
Charlton Heston without in The Naked Jungle = Ant Fighter in South America with a mail order bride? Limp!
Charlton Heston with in The 10 Commandments = simply a man that carried the tablets! Tough!
Brad Pitt without in Thelma and Louise = Wimpy pretty boy
Brad Pitt with in Kalifornia = TOUGH, yes he was also a lot of those adjectives listed above.
Guy Pearce without in Priscilla Queen of the desert = uh yeah, he was a drag queen!
Guy Pearce with in Ravenous = Hunts down and kills a cannibal? TOUGH!
Johnny Depp without in 21 Jump Street as Officer Tom Hanson = Teen beat Coverboy!
Johnny Depp with in Pirates of the Caribbean = Cool, swank, needless to say TOUGH!
Tom Hanks without in You've Got Mail = Romantic comedy douche bag.
Tom Hanks with in Cast Away = a guy who survived on an island by himself for FOUR years! TOUGH hombre!
Finally we come to the piece de resistance of "the beard"
Kurt Russell in The Thing, this beard is a thing of beauty. If you have never seen it please, I beg you to google: Kurt Russell and The Thing. You may then behold what is the most impressive beard ever seen on film, that thing(the beard not the alien) is the star of the movie. I started growing mine as soon as laid eyes on that baby!
So in closing I end with beards are amazing and tough, you bastard!
2 comments:
OMG. That is freaking funny... and yes, Russel is King Beard, sexy bastard.
Best post yet. Hilarious.
But surely you can't have forgotten Robert Redford's Jeremiah Johnson. And let's not forget those zonked out fellows in Easy Rider.
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